Time.

When I was younger I held my mum’s ring and put it on my wedding finger. I was playing out these scenarios in my head about how I would be married, have children and all my problems would disappear because I would be a grown up. I remember thinking how I can’t wait for this to happen, because it feels forever away, and my teenager problems felt never ending.

I recall the day I played with the ring like it was yesterday, and here I am today married with four children and my teenage problems seem like they were as difficult as the decision on which shoes to wear.

I remember sitting in History class thinking that it was never going to end, I remember looking forward to graduation like it was never going to come. Trying to fall pregnant, thinking it was never going to happen. The last trimester thinking it was an Elephant pregnancy. I remember waking during the nights with the girls feeling like I will never find sleep again. Spending time in hospital with my baby and wondering why this feels like forever.

I now walk around the shops holding their hand and I know they won’t want to do this forever. Reading them stories, only now they want to read it themselves. Offering to tie shoelaces, but they have already got it. Taking them to their first day of school waiting for the tears, but it seems it’s only me crying today.

I blinked and I grew up. I became a grown up. I keep blinking and now my babies are growing into these girls and I want time to stop so I can enjoy this moment a little longer.

I wish I knew back then what I know now. That time doesn’t stand still. Not to wish the days away.

I would tell my past self that there is good in every day. That just because the boy in year ten doesn’t like you, doesn’t mean you are destined to a life with cats.

I would say that my parents are not my enemies, but nor are they my friends. They are my people though. They have the best intentions. I have learnt that ‘because I said so’ is a good enough reason.

Invest into your relationships. Always be kind. Learn to love yourself before you try and give your heart to someone else.

I would also mention not to stress about the crazy hair too much, the future self discovers wonderful hair heating tools.

I would tell my past self that there is so much wisdom from those around you. You aren’t expected to have all of the answers. Learn from other ‘s mistakes.

Do not compromise yourself for anybody.

There is so much I would tell my past self. Most importantly though I would say that on the days that feel never ending and when time feels as though it is standing still.

It is so worth it.